Custody of Children

Every parent wants to see their children so what both parents need to think about is about the CHILDREN and NOT themselves.  Children are small human beings that need to be loved and remember they are going on this journey too because one of you or both of you have decided to go your separate ways.

6c5b9acafe366ca4a7f0cb1013cd16bd_f11Today people do  the  50/50 custody or they do 12 days on 2 days off what ever you decide to do keep in mind the children ages and what will work for them this could also depend on your work for example if you start work at 5:00am you probably cannot find a day care or before school care to take care of them at this time of the morning.

When you are organising the custody of the children have a parenting plan in place. Keep in mind public holidays and school holidays and student free days.  Also special days for example birthday, Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. If you are unable to come to an agreement you may need to organise mediation. You are able to access freemediation keeping in mine you may have to wait a period of time to get in. If you do have a court hearing make the people aware of this when you make the appointment. Otherwise you may need to a mediator that charges a fee.

When you do see your children enjoy the time with them.  The time with your children is not to spend the time bad mouthing your Ex partner.  Keep in my the children love and adore their parents and only see the good in them you may not see the good in your Ex partner, this doesn’t give you a right to say nasty things about them.

Your Ex partner may bad month you to the children and the children may inform you of this.  Be the better person who doesn’t come back with nasty comments about the Ex partner your children will respect you for it. If you do need to call your Ex partner nasty names call your best friend and get off your chest. Remember to do this while the children are not around.

Also your children are  NOT your messenger if you need something or want something done than its up to you to communicate with your Ex partner through email, text or a phone call.  These are adults issues to  deal with NOT the children responsibility to deal with.

As the children go through life you may need to organise them counselling. Children are very clever and work out very quickly that they are able to play one parent against the other.  The children may become angry with you because they believe its your fault for the separation.  To handle this you need to be totally honest with your children. When explaining the situation with your children make sure it is explained at their age appropriate.  You will need to be patient with the children you may think everything is on track  and then the children may start crying  for no reason.  This is just a normal stage for them to go through.  All children want their mum and dad to be together.

If your children are in school then speak to the school as they might have a school counselor that can help guide your children through the journey as well.

Keep in mind what children really need while going through your divorce is

  • Acceptance
  • Assurance of safety
  • Freedom of guilt or blame for the divorce
  • Need for structure
  • Need for a stable parent who has the strength to conduct business
  • Need to let kids to be kids

By Dr Phil 

Always seek legal advice 

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